Sub Par Salon & Spa

Welcome to the Sub-Par Salon & Spa — a half-hearted haven where expectations come to plateau. Our services are sporadic, our enthusiasm is tepid, and our standards are reassuringly low. Whether you’re craving a Sad Endings Massage, Rake-y, or a classic Bean Rubbing, we’re here for you… sometimes.

We’re open when we feel like it but will also have DIY stations available 24/7 for Mediocre Manicures, Glow Downs, and more — because nothing says luxury like half-priced, partially used, communal supplies.

You might leave underwhelmed.
You might not even remember being here.
And honestly?
We don’t really care either way.